Darkest before the Dawn

The last four months have brought the most profound clarity into my life.

If you don’t know, this is a 9 year — a year about ending cycles that have been running in our lives... in my life. It’s about doing deep work, clearing out old energy, forgiveness. It’s about completion, release, and spiritual growth. A time of letting go of what no longer serves, clearing space for something greater, and harvesting the wisdom of the past.

Here’s the thing: it’s my own personal 9 year too. So it’s not just about wrapping up loose ends — it’s about soul-level reflection and refinement. I can feel how life is preparing me for a new beginning… but only after I’ve truly honored and integrated what this last cycle has taught me.

Over the past four months, I’ve stepped into the dark past of remembering sexual traumas that had been buried deep. I’ve felt the physical manifestation of it in my body — gaining weight as a way to protect myself from everything rising to the surface. Which in itself has been challenging.

Then came a parasite infection that pushed me into revisiting suicidal thoughts and deep emotional darkness — ultimately activating me into a space of forgiveness and reframing a lot of mental frameworks.

And then… my work was “taken” from me. Everything I had been working on for months — all the momentum, the programs, the vision — came to a halt. My soul simply said: “NO.” In a moment, it was all gone. Everything stopped.

I’ve never felt more vulnerable or fragile in my life.

I felt lost. Stripped bare. But it all had to happen.

In these past few months, I’ve cleared and forgiven myself for the “interactions” I had as a child. I’ve learned more about myself — and how the life I was trying to build, while aligned in many ways, wasn’t fully my truth. I’ve come to see more clearly the depth of my own gifts and power.

I learned HOW I was "put together" and what would best serve me in the way of my business and career. I learned ways of bringing my magic into this world. I learned that I was 100% meant to change the world. I's been touch and yet beautiful to have these huge realizations. Learning that my gift/message isn't arrogant, but it's ownership of the "mission" I have as a soul here on earth.

I’ve realized that my mission to reach millions isn’t meant to be mine to carry alone. It’s meant to be carried by many. This then presents a whole new way of thinking and being. This presents a whole new challenge, but also a breath of fresh air into my being.

And that’s just what I can recall right now. I’m learning to release whatever comes up. Just this morning I was talking to Chloe, and out of nowhere, I started crying. I excused myself, got in the shower, and just cried — once again releasing energy that clearly didn’t serve me. I have no idea what it was. And I don’t need to know. I just need to let it go.

I’m making space for the new. I’m clearing the cobwebs of the past. And it’s starting to feel more and more like spring.

It’s true, isn’t it? If we knew what growth and awakening would really entail, we probably wouldn’t have taken the red pill, right?

But I know I needed to share this, because there are undoubtedly others going through something right now.

Be kind to yourself. Don’t give up.

Rest when it’s all too much.

It’s darkest before the dawn…